They're Back

Okay to tell you this mini story I must tell you something rather embarrassing about myself. I have this annoying little quark, where whenever I laugh unexpectedly or for a long time, I get hiccups. You know...the really hard kind that make your chest hurt.

Alex (my soon to be ex-husband) and I used to laugh together a lot. Usually because we were sharing our events of the day or our observations of others. I have a way of weaving a comical scenario and so does he, so we commonly laughed together. Every once in a while (more often than I'd like) I would laugh so hard that I would get hiccups, which would send Alex into an unsympathetic wave of laughter. Who could blame him for his jeering? I thought it was entertainment worthy myself.

Anyways, today my son was saying a simple phrase but he was testing out a new character voice while doing so. He was saying something about "the empire is at hand". It made me laugh so hard I began to hiccup. It was then that I realized I hadn't had the laughing hiccups in over a year. For whatever reason they had disappeared but now...for whatever reason they're back.

I'll take that as a good thing.

Cherish

A Sweet Moment

I had one of those "write about it" moments. You know, the kind of moment that you...uh write about? Here goes.

On Thanksgiving of 2007 my son and I were in Colorado Springs visiting my sister and her best friend, Chris. It was bedtime and I was desperately trying to get my son to get comfortable in a different bed, in a different house, in a different state where almost everybody he loved was awake and having fun in the other room. No dice. He cried and cried. I was about to cry myself because, at the time, things in my life were so overwhelmingly sad and my heart was broken. I prayed for wisdom and strength not to loose my temper or not to join him in his wailing. What came to mind was the song, "Baby of Mine" from the movie Dumbo. It was one of my favorite songs as a kid and my son had recently seen the movie.

I couldn't, for the life of me, remember the words but I hummed the tune anyway. In short order, he became silent. With the added soothing technique of stroking his hair he was calm, quiet, and sleeping in no time. Over the last year and a half the comfort of that song has meant a lot to the both of us. When I tired of singing the song, I tried to sing other things but my son would having nothing to do with those other songs. Instead, he insisted on "Baby of Mine".

We popped in a movie the other day which started with the music video of "Baby of Mine". He looked at me with glee on his face and said, "Mommy, that's the song you sing to me". Then he excitedly climbed up in my lap and rested his head on my shoulder while I stroked his hair and sang along. It was such a sweet moment. The look on his face was priceless. He didn't say it like this but what he meant was, "that is OUR song". And he just really wanted to be in my lap while it played. We played it over and over again. He rested in my lap until we were done. A simple melody brought us such a sweet moment.

Welcome

Welcome to my blog. I have been blogging via MySpace and Facebook for quite some time but have just begun this site devoted to the art of blog. I am anxious to hear how it works for you. Please feel free to comment on the functionality of the site. Does it work for you? How does the layout look? Are my blogs somewhat interesting? And also leave ANY comments you may have about how I may better improve the site, as it is a work in progress.

My blogs are usually anecdotes about my day, or my life. Sometimes it's just something sweet my son did or a short note about a quirky professor. Some might be a little dark as I've experienced some difficulty in my personal life, but I guarantee that even the dark ones will be worth the time you take to read them.

Enjoy,

Cherish Shalom

Rock Whacha Got!

The doctor told me yesterday that I should have my tonsils out. He began to describe some unlikely but possible side effects. The first thing he said was there might be uncontrollable bleeding that would lead to hospitalization. The next thing he mentioned was that it might change my voice to a higher pitched or squeaky voice. The third thing I totally forgot because as soon as I heard that my voice might change I shut down. I've never really liked my voice. When I hear it on a recording or over video I've always shuttered and secretly chastised myself for not having a more "lady like" voice. But the thought of my voice changing, in any way, left me feeling totally different. I was feeling protective of my voice. Because after all it is MINE and I want to keep it the way it is!

I've always hated the way my arms look. I've also had people make fun of my feet (big for a girl) and I have hated a lot of things about myself for a long time. Then I thought, "wait, why do I hate my arms? They work. At least I HAVE arms, at least I HAVE feet". There are some people that have neither yet they live a happy life. During my marriage I watched the man I loved drool over women that had completely different body types then mine. That destroyed me because I couldn't be what he wanted. Since then I have desired to be lighter up top, darker skinned, and overall much more slender (with smaller calves I got these dang soccer calves). But I got to thinkin'...why would I want that? My body gets me to work, to school, and home again. My body also gave me my son. Heck, I'm even able to run 3 or 4 times a week. I clean up nice so who cares if I have a tan or look good in apple bottom jeans and don't even get me started on those stupid boots with the fur. I HATE that trend. I like being me. So what if I'm pasty? I glow in the dark, it's true but should I feel bad about that?

Here's a little inspiration to all you who want to loose weight. Every time you feel too tired to go walking or running, just think at least you CAN walk. What if you were laid up in bed for 5 months and couldn't do a thing? I'm pretty sure that once you got your walkin' papers you'd be gone with the wind. So when you feel too tired to exercise, just remember this blog and GO DO IT! If you hate the way your butt looks in those jeans, be thankful that you HAVE a butt to put in those jeans (however tiny it may be :o) And if you got TOO much boot (by your own standards), just rock whacha got as ONLY YOU CAN!

Love ya,

Cherish Shalom

P.S. In the pic above I felt so pasty and fat after seeing this picture...women, we are too concerned about our looks!

Currently Jaded

As many know I am going through a divorce. The people around me have been so supportive. Some have remained neutral while others have taken sides but both have loved me through this whole thing. I am thankful for those who are by my side and hope someday I could be by theirs.

I once told somebody that I wouldn't make the same mistakes with another man. But then I got to thinking. What mistakes did I make? I walked away from God for a short while amongst other things and for these things I have felt remourse. Yes I made mistakes but loving him...was never a mistake. Giving my whole heart was never a mistake. Supporting him even when he did things that were hurtful towards me was not a mistake and it was not weakness as some have tried to convince me. It was love.

I was told once that love is blind. Well I don't think that is true. I think your heart is blind. I think your heart accepts people for who they are and loves them anyway. But that is why we have a mind, to counter act the heart that is so forgiving and stubbornly hopeful. Our spirit is also with us to receive it's own counsel from the mouth of God. God talks about love...what it is, how it acts, what it can become. God describes it this way...let me just cut and paste this:

⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Cor. 13:4-7

Right now I can't imagine how I'd ever trust another man as I am currently jaded. I wonder if another man would live and die for me one day and cast me aside the next. I wonder if another man would have issues too great for me to bear. I once said that I would never love like I have loved my husband. I know that now to be false because even though I am jaded; I won't always be. Love is in fact a choice. You choose to love somebody. Infatuation comes and goes but loving somebody is a process. So having said all that, there will be a time when I choose to love another. It may be sooner, it may be later, it may be never but I know that I still have that choice and when I do it will be whole hearted, without regard to the pain I feel now whilst cherishing the lessons I've learned. What a good day that will be. But until that day

I remain,

Currently Jaded.

The Cloak

Below is the first blog I wrote after my husband asked for a divorce.

The Cloak
By Cherish Rosales

I love the picture above. The woman in it looks…familiar. She appears to be in deep pain but not anger, in mourning but not fear. She is powerful not pitiful, while still in much pain. I can't see her eyes but I imagine they are beautiful yet heavy and brimmed with tears that dare not fall. Her lips don't quiver, neither her chin; they are strong. Or maybe the pain is too great and the burden too heavy leaving no strength to cry. Yes,yes that's it. She is deeply sorrowful and her heart aches; yea it is broken. Yet her head does not hang down. She covers her eyes for a moment to hide the tears but only for a moment. She is still there, still here. Still able to go on and almost excited about it. This present time shall be over and the new will be in her grasp. She will then remove her covering but for now, for now the cloak remains.

Huey, Duey, Kissy, and Mo

Huey Duey Kissy and Mo

a fish tale by Cherish Shalom

This is a recording of ordinary events happening to obscure fish in a small tank in nobody's house that you know. Okay for real though, this is a story about how I suck at keeping fish alive. For Joel's third birthday he received a Walmart gift card from the Sotolongo family, with which we purchased our first group of fish. Let's see there were the three big silver fish named Larry, Curly and Mo. There was the tiny goldfish, Peewee, two black and orange fish which were two small to name. Sotolongo the Elusive Sucker Fish as he's come to be known because he has a severe social disorder. Any time he sees anybody or anything move he haul's but behind the filter where he remains about 99% of the time. Then finally there was my favorite the small boggly-eyed, beautiful tailed, black fish accurately named Moreno.

Unfortunately following the plot of every thriller in the theatres today the black fish was the first to die. I did all I could. I put him in his own bowl, with his own food and even pumped oxygen into the bowl. I did everything except yell "clear" and give him a little charge of electricity which… lets face it wouldn't have worked out so well for either of us. I mean come on this isn't a horror story, my name ain't Stephen King. Despite my efforts he took the porcelain express to better lands. Soon after, followed Larry, Curly, PeeWee and the two noname fish. We were left with Mo (the little silver fish) and of course Sotolongo the Elusive Sucker Fish who we are amazed is still alive.

The tank was boring. So Papi brought home three Goldfish which I promptly named the only other trio I know of which is Huey, Duey, and Louey. They brightened up the tank with their bright orange color. Soon I realized that the silver fish was changing colors. It was amazing but he actually changed himself to a light color of orange. I was like, "This is either really amazing or really pathetic for the wanna be orange fish" I debated renaming him WannaBe but went with thinking it was amazing and left his name Mo.

Then the other day I was feeding the fish and I heard kissing noises. I looked at my son and all around the room and then back in the tank and realized that the smallest goldfish, when he eats instead of gulping the food sucks at the food on the top of the water and the result is kissing noises. So quickly I renamed him Kissy Fish. So our little family of fish now consist of Huey, Duey, Kissy, Mo and Sotolongo the Elusive Sucker Fish!!!