As many know I am going through a divorce. The people around me have been so supportive. Some have remained neutral while others have taken sides but both have loved me through this whole thing. I am thankful for those who are by my side and hope someday I could be by theirs.
I once told somebody that I wouldn't make the same mistakes with another man. But then I got to thinking. What mistakes did I make? I walked away from God for a short while amongst other things and for these things I have felt remourse. Yes I made mistakes but loving him...was never a mistake. Giving my whole heart was never a mistake. Supporting him even when he did things that were hurtful towards me was not a mistake and it was not weakness as some have tried to convince me. It was love.
I was told once that love is blind. Well I don't think that is true. I think your heart is blind. I think your heart accepts people for who they are and loves them anyway. But that is why we have a mind, to counter act the heart that is so forgiving and stubbornly hopeful. Our spirit is also with us to receive it's own counsel from the mouth of God. God talks about love...what it is, how it acts, what it can become. God describes it this way...let me just cut and paste this:
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Cor. 13:4-7
Right now I can't imagine how I'd ever trust another man as I am currently jaded. I wonder if another man would live and die for me one day and cast me aside the next. I wonder if another man would have issues too great for me to bear. I once said that I would never love like I have loved my husband. I know that now to be false because even though I am jaded; I won't always be. Love is in fact a choice. You choose to love somebody. Infatuation comes and goes but loving somebody is a process. So having said all that, there will be a time when I choose to love another. It may be sooner, it may be later, it may be never but I know that I still have that choice and when I do it will be whole hearted, without regard to the pain I feel now whilst cherishing the lessons I've learned. What a good day that will be. But until that day
I remain,
Currently Jaded.
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