Currently Jaded

As many know I am going through a divorce. The people around me have been so supportive. Some have remained neutral while others have taken sides but both have loved me through this whole thing. I am thankful for those who are by my side and hope someday I could be by theirs.

I once told somebody that I wouldn't make the same mistakes with another man. But then I got to thinking. What mistakes did I make? I walked away from God for a short while amongst other things and for these things I have felt remourse. Yes I made mistakes but loving him...was never a mistake. Giving my whole heart was never a mistake. Supporting him even when he did things that were hurtful towards me was not a mistake and it was not weakness as some have tried to convince me. It was love.

I was told once that love is blind. Well I don't think that is true. I think your heart is blind. I think your heart accepts people for who they are and loves them anyway. But that is why we have a mind, to counter act the heart that is so forgiving and stubbornly hopeful. Our spirit is also with us to receive it's own counsel from the mouth of God. God talks about love...what it is, how it acts, what it can become. God describes it this way...let me just cut and paste this:

⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Cor. 13:4-7

Right now I can't imagine how I'd ever trust another man as I am currently jaded. I wonder if another man would live and die for me one day and cast me aside the next. I wonder if another man would have issues too great for me to bear. I once said that I would never love like I have loved my husband. I know that now to be false because even though I am jaded; I won't always be. Love is in fact a choice. You choose to love somebody. Infatuation comes and goes but loving somebody is a process. So having said all that, there will be a time when I choose to love another. It may be sooner, it may be later, it may be never but I know that I still have that choice and when I do it will be whole hearted, without regard to the pain I feel now whilst cherishing the lessons I've learned. What a good day that will be. But until that day

I remain,

Currently Jaded.

The Cloak

Below is the first blog I wrote after my husband asked for a divorce.

The Cloak
By Cherish Rosales

I love the picture above. The woman in it looks…familiar. She appears to be in deep pain but not anger, in mourning but not fear. She is powerful not pitiful, while still in much pain. I can't see her eyes but I imagine they are beautiful yet heavy and brimmed with tears that dare not fall. Her lips don't quiver, neither her chin; they are strong. Or maybe the pain is too great and the burden too heavy leaving no strength to cry. Yes,yes that's it. She is deeply sorrowful and her heart aches; yea it is broken. Yet her head does not hang down. She covers her eyes for a moment to hide the tears but only for a moment. She is still there, still here. Still able to go on and almost excited about it. This present time shall be over and the new will be in her grasp. She will then remove her covering but for now, for now the cloak remains.

Huey, Duey, Kissy, and Mo

Huey Duey Kissy and Mo

a fish tale by Cherish Shalom

This is a recording of ordinary events happening to obscure fish in a small tank in nobody's house that you know. Okay for real though, this is a story about how I suck at keeping fish alive. For Joel's third birthday he received a Walmart gift card from the Sotolongo family, with which we purchased our first group of fish. Let's see there were the three big silver fish named Larry, Curly and Mo. There was the tiny goldfish, Peewee, two black and orange fish which were two small to name. Sotolongo the Elusive Sucker Fish as he's come to be known because he has a severe social disorder. Any time he sees anybody or anything move he haul's but behind the filter where he remains about 99% of the time. Then finally there was my favorite the small boggly-eyed, beautiful tailed, black fish accurately named Moreno.

Unfortunately following the plot of every thriller in the theatres today the black fish was the first to die. I did all I could. I put him in his own bowl, with his own food and even pumped oxygen into the bowl. I did everything except yell "clear" and give him a little charge of electricity which… lets face it wouldn't have worked out so well for either of us. I mean come on this isn't a horror story, my name ain't Stephen King. Despite my efforts he took the porcelain express to better lands. Soon after, followed Larry, Curly, PeeWee and the two noname fish. We were left with Mo (the little silver fish) and of course Sotolongo the Elusive Sucker Fish who we are amazed is still alive.

The tank was boring. So Papi brought home three Goldfish which I promptly named the only other trio I know of which is Huey, Duey, and Louey. They brightened up the tank with their bright orange color. Soon I realized that the silver fish was changing colors. It was amazing but he actually changed himself to a light color of orange. I was like, "This is either really amazing or really pathetic for the wanna be orange fish" I debated renaming him WannaBe but went with thinking it was amazing and left his name Mo.

Then the other day I was feeding the fish and I heard kissing noises. I looked at my son and all around the room and then back in the tank and realized that the smallest goldfish, when he eats instead of gulping the food sucks at the food on the top of the water and the result is kissing noises. So quickly I renamed him Kissy Fish. So our little family of fish now consist of Huey, Duey, Kissy, Mo and Sotolongo the Elusive Sucker Fish!!!

Get Your Head Out of the Toilet!

Get your head out of the toilet!

I used to work for Planet Hollywood. My job was to photograph and catalogue all of the props that were purchased by the company. I saw a lot of strange things there and said many things I never thought I'd hear myself say like:

"Do I have to photograph each taxidermy rat individually?" (as if the thought of handling rats wasn't disgusting enough I had to photograph 32 late rats...and yes, individually)

"I've got the Alien head would you grab John Candy's undies?", "Can I get a few guys to help me hold up my 12 foot bra?", "I lost my shoe in a 7' crate full of packing popcorn.", "Careful that one oozes".

But as a mom of a 3 yr. old, I found a whole new set of things that I never thought I'd say. There's your basic stuff like "because I said so" and "knock it off" but then there are things like:

"Don't put your shirt in the dishwasher!", "Don't drink the bath water!", "Stop putting poop on the floor!", "Get your feet out of my face! I don't want your butt in my face either." And my favorite, "Get your head out of the toilet"

Ahh....the life of a mother.

Thanks for reading,

Cherish Shalom