Last night I was on my way to meet some friends. Traffic on the ever frustrating I-4 was bad but not too bad. I looked down for a moment, can't remember why, and when I returned my attention to the road ahead of me there was no longer a road but the butt end of a Toyota Camry. It was way to close and despite all my quick thinking and rapid response, I slammed into the back of them so hard that my airbags deployed. This was very scary. I didn't even know what happened. Smoke filled the car and I thought I was on fire. I got out to see if the people in the other car were okay. They were but refused to respond to me. The shock of it caused my stomach to turn into knots and I felt like...uh...there is no nice word for it so I'll just plainly say, I felt like vomitting, hurling, ralphing, spewing chunks, etc. Thankfully, I did not. I was dazed. A handsome business man pulled up behind to see if he could help. He could not, so he moved on.
We tried to pull over, the other car and I, but traffic was really bad. Because most people are in their own world and concerned about their own selfish concerns, nobody would let us over. Pulling onto the side of the road was almost as scary as the crash. The first responder on the scene was the fire department. Now, you have to understand that I was already feeling like an idiot. I was shocked at how shook up I was over something so common and felt really dumb for rear-ending somebody. But to make matters worse, out of the fire truck come 3 of the most beautiful men I've ever seen. I thought, Oh great! They were tall, dark, and mostly handsome. One of the trio of 6'4" men asked me for my name. He wrote it down and then with a wink and a smile asked how I'd gotten such a beautiful name. I was thinking, are you flirting with me? Seriously? But in truth, I was also flattered. I had not the will or desire to return his kindness and let out a weak smile. They quickly left and I was alone with the snippy officer and the mute driver of the car I hit. I call him mute because he refused to speak. Much later, he approached and said that the damage didn't look too bad.
I called the insurance company and they said they were sending the tow truck to get me. I spent the rest of the night being harrassed by the officer who couldn't, "stay here all night". And was informed that I, "have to get this car out of here". I was thinking, what do you want me to do? Heft it with my brute strength? Then a smaller voice said to respect the authority set over me and I sucked it up and dealt kindly with the police man. I'm sure he is embittered, not with me, but with the nature of his job in general.
Anyway, I got home many hours later, after my poor car had been towed away. I assessed that I would have to pay $164.00 ticket, $500.00 deductible, rent a car, and possibly have my insurance go up. This left me so upset that I wasn't sure what to do. So I bought a black and white cookie. It did not help. I was trying to lighten the mood for my mother who was concerned so, I joked around about the trio of hot firemen. Then she asked where the accident happened. After a phone call to my Aunt Debbie, who is a fire dispatcher, she says, "Oh those were Debbie's guys. Tomorrow, she's going to see who it was that was dispatched and see if there is anybody we need to introduce you to." So amusing. Wouldn't that be hilarious if I actually got a date out of this?
What I find to be good about this situation was, the first thing I did was pray. I said, "God, help me". Then, at some point, I told God that I trusted him to make something good out of these lemons. This morning I saw that my tax return money was sitting in the bank, ready for me to pay all the costs that I incurred. Isn't that amazing?
Friday, February 19, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Poem of the Month "Jabberwocky"
JABBERWOCKY
Lewis Carroll(from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872)
`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe.
"Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun The frumious Bandersnatch!"
"Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun The frumious Bandersnatch!"
He took his vorpal sword in hand: Long time the manxome foe he sought --So rested he by the Tumtum tree, And stood awhile in thought.
And, as in uffish thought he stood, The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,Came whiffling through the tulgey wood, And burbled as it came!
One, two! One, two! And through and through The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!He left it dead, and with its head He went galumphing back.
"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock? Come to my arms, my beamish boy!O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!' He chortled in his joy.
`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe.
My opinion:
I love this poem. To me, it is complete fantasy. The description creates, in my mind, a Burtonesque landscape. I imagine a dark, overgrown, woody forest without much foliage. The sky is overcast. Cold drops of melted ice drip from the branches. The young man has tried to capture this beast again and again. He has it down to a science now. He knows that pursuing the Jabberwock is futile. For, as soon as the Jubjub bird sees him, he will alert the Jabberwock and the the surprise attack will fail yet again. So he changes his strategy and waits beneath the Tumtum tree. The Jabberwock comes trampling through the woods, "whiffling" as he goes. It is a battle cry, meant to intimidate his prey. Instead, it works against the Jabberwock, and prepares the young man for the beast's attack. He is able to surprise the Jabberwock and slay him with ease. The young man honored his father by heeding his warnings; it saved his life. Such an intriguing piece.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
"The Shack" by WM. Paul Young
This book was a strange journey. I am not sure how I feel, as a whole, about it so I will just report my observations and conflicting emotions. I initially hated the book, then found it intriguing. Some parts seemed comforting while others were disturbing. At times, the dialogue is juvenile. In real life, I've never heard one grown man use words like, "silly" or "pea brained" when speaking to another grown man. Also, the author tried too hard to make the trinity appear relatable to humans; it sounded insincere. The conversations again and again ended up in laughter but nothing was funny. It did, however, create some beautiful images, in my mind, of life. It likens our lives to a colorful garden that has yet to be finished. The garden is in chaos but is beautiful still. I love that. It also spurs one on to forgiveness; that is what spoke to me the most. I think it sounds confusing and false because it attempts to explain or depict things that are inexplicable. It goes into much conversation and detail about the trinity, God's love, and the code by which He lives. Any explanation of these things cannot fit into our minds. It is something that God must reveal to us in pieces, and even then it is hard to understand. There has been controversy about this book. Some have suggested that it is spiritually misleading. I was warned not to read it because it "sent one woman to an insane asylum." While I don't presume to know the details of this woman's life, I find a suggestion like this, in and of itself, insane. Overall, it was one man's incredible journey, and like every work of fiction, has its strengths and weaknesses. The things you take away are priceless. They are almost worth the strange journey to obtain them.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Books I've Read, "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" by Robert Louis Stevenson
I see why this story, written by Robert Louis Stevenson, is a classic. Yes, it is creepy but not too creepy. It is an amazing story, weaved in such a way that leaves you hanging on to every word. Many people know this story, or watered down derivatives of it, but many have never actually read it. I recommend it. Every day there is a war inside each of us. Do I simply deal with the woman, on the phone, who almost hit me or scream some obscenities? Do I help that person who looks in need or continue on my busy way? Do I lie or tell the truth that might get me into trouble? This story simply puts those two sides of every person into actual characters that answer to the names, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It is worth the few hours it'll take to read.
Books I've Read, "For One More Day" by Mitch Albom
This book, what can I say, it...left in me a deep desire to raise my kid; to really raise him. This book is about a middle-aged man who tries to committ suicide but in so doing receives a gift, one more day with his late mother. It is a story that makes you wish you were back in your parent's kitchen, after a long day of playing in the snow, eating a grilled cheese sandwhich repetitively dipped in tomatoe soup. It charges me to make my son's memories of life valuable. I am a single mother as one of the main characters, Posie Bennetto, finds herself to be. Much like me, she never intended to raise her kids alone but alone she is. She loves her kids. It spurs me on to simply, make memories.
Books I've Read, "Even Now" by Karen Kingsbury
This story is gripping. It is about lost love, mistakes, peace, and true forgiveness. Karen takes you on a trip; a difficult trip. As I read it at work, my eyes brimmed with tears. I choked them back to answer the phone (I am a receptionist whose boss doesn't mind me reading), then quickly returned to the story that made my heart ache. I recommend it to those who feel strained in their own family relationships. It deals with deep hurt and injustice. I loved it. It left me emotionally spent but also refreshed. I can't say that about many books. Below is a link to a full description of it.
Friday, September 25, 2009
The Old Couple
When Alex and I were engaged the first thing we had to do was get a marriage license. We were so hopelessly in love and were excited about the task. With stars in our eyes, we headed down to the courthouse. To get to the right place, we had to walk down a very constricting hallway. The paint was drab, the tile devoid of color and the employees were just the same. There was a mix of smells. I remember stale cigarette smoke, harsh cleaning products, and cynicism, lots of cynicism; the place was rank with it. But no matter how depressing the place was, I and my husband-to-be were not phased by it. We were resolute in our decision to marry and with giddy smiles announced, "We would like to get a marriage license". The less than friendly government worker behind the counter handed us the necessary paperwork and directed us to a waiting area which was nothing more than a few broken chairs seemingly from the 1960's. Without hesitation, we filled out the paperwork and handed it back to this henchman of the state. She glared at us as our cloud of romance encircled her, I believe she choked on it, then stamped out papers and sent them to be processed.
Today Alex and I, now husband and wife of 8 years, walked down a very similar hallway. It had the same drab paint, the same colorless tile, and of course the same cynical smell. The reason for our visit had changed a bit though, we carried with us our signed divorce papers. This time the minion behind the desk was almost intolerable. She was an old woman, poorly dressed and missing a tooth in the front. She was tired of her job and I was tired for her. On this visit there was no more romance encircling us, just disappointment. We were no longer hopeless romantics we were just hopeless. We had come to the end. The woman sat there almost chiding us for having been so foolish to believe our marriage would last or at least that's how it seemed. After forking over the necessary dough, we were told to sit down and wait for our case number.
As we waited I looked down the hall at the pews resting along the wall in front of the courtrooms. There was couple after couple sitting together. Some of them were obviously there for the same reason we were; their body language conveyed that without question. But i saw one couple that I remember and will probably always remember. A very young couple; they both looked to be about 18. They were dressed in their Sunday best and by the looks of it, didn't have much money. They were there to be married. She had her arm tucked under his kind of like in the old days when a gentleman would offer his arm to a woman and she would gracefully accept. That's how she was holding onto him. Her head was rested on his shoulder and her other arm held tight to him as well. He leaned into her and rested his head atop hers. They were so happy. I saw it; the same romantic cloud, the same hopeless love, the same resolve. I wanted to warn them. I wanted to tell them that it's not all it's cracked up to be, to think it through, to turn and run for the hills. But then I was reminded of another couple very much like this one but without all the gooey love stuff.
The couple I am remembering were scheduled to be married on a Wednesday afternoon around 1 p.m. It was a very informal wedding. Heck, the groom had to convince his boss to let him off work early so he could attend! On the way to the wedding both the bride and groom admitted they weren't even sure that what they were doing was right. There were no clouds of romance, no lavish decorations, or long ceremonies. They were asked only one question, "Do you?". But they had a secret. They had what a lot of people don't have these days, commitment. After each answered the question with a, "yes", the couple started a life together that would last for 63 years. They went on to have three beautiful children, who grew up to give them 5 beautiful grand kids, and even one great grandchild. They built a life together that lasted until June 11, 2002 when the man died, his wife by his side holding his hand. She was always by his side, supporting and loving him, as she had learned to do over the years. Five years before his death, the man declared to his wife, "Mommy" (that's what he called her) "I never told you that I love you, well I do". And every day after that until he died at the age of 100, he kissed his wife and told her, "I love you."
With that in mind I kept my cynicism to myself and smiled at the sweet couple. Whispering a prayer of hope for them, I returned to my seat beside my soon to be ex-husband and began to think of the old couple who had lasted for so long, the couple with the 3 kids and the 5 grand kids of which I am one. That couple was Doc and Clara Bailey, my grandparents. They left a good legacy for me. An example of real love, the kind that lasts forever...and with it they also left me a little hope. (below: my grandparents on their wedding day. Pic 2 My grandparents on my wedding day 63 years later)
Today Alex and I, now husband and wife of 8 years, walked down a very similar hallway. It had the same drab paint, the same colorless tile, and of course the same cynical smell. The reason for our visit had changed a bit though, we carried with us our signed divorce papers. This time the minion behind the desk was almost intolerable. She was an old woman, poorly dressed and missing a tooth in the front. She was tired of her job and I was tired for her. On this visit there was no more romance encircling us, just disappointment. We were no longer hopeless romantics we were just hopeless. We had come to the end. The woman sat there almost chiding us for having been so foolish to believe our marriage would last or at least that's how it seemed. After forking over the necessary dough, we were told to sit down and wait for our case number.
As we waited I looked down the hall at the pews resting along the wall in front of the courtrooms. There was couple after couple sitting together. Some of them were obviously there for the same reason we were; their body language conveyed that without question. But i saw one couple that I remember and will probably always remember. A very young couple; they both looked to be about 18. They were dressed in their Sunday best and by the looks of it, didn't have much money. They were there to be married. She had her arm tucked under his kind of like in the old days when a gentleman would offer his arm to a woman and she would gracefully accept. That's how she was holding onto him. Her head was rested on his shoulder and her other arm held tight to him as well. He leaned into her and rested his head atop hers. They were so happy. I saw it; the same romantic cloud, the same hopeless love, the same resolve. I wanted to warn them. I wanted to tell them that it's not all it's cracked up to be, to think it through, to turn and run for the hills. But then I was reminded of another couple very much like this one but without all the gooey love stuff.
The couple I am remembering were scheduled to be married on a Wednesday afternoon around 1 p.m. It was a very informal wedding. Heck, the groom had to convince his boss to let him off work early so he could attend! On the way to the wedding both the bride and groom admitted they weren't even sure that what they were doing was right. There were no clouds of romance, no lavish decorations, or long ceremonies. They were asked only one question, "Do you?". But they had a secret. They had what a lot of people don't have these days, commitment. After each answered the question with a, "yes", the couple started a life together that would last for 63 years. They went on to have three beautiful children, who grew up to give them 5 beautiful grand kids, and even one great grandchild. They built a life together that lasted until June 11, 2002 when the man died, his wife by his side holding his hand. She was always by his side, supporting and loving him, as she had learned to do over the years. Five years before his death, the man declared to his wife, "Mommy" (that's what he called her) "I never told you that I love you, well I do". And every day after that until he died at the age of 100, he kissed his wife and told her, "I love you."
With that in mind I kept my cynicism to myself and smiled at the sweet couple. Whispering a prayer of hope for them, I returned to my seat beside my soon to be ex-husband and began to think of the old couple who had lasted for so long, the couple with the 3 kids and the 5 grand kids of which I am one. That couple was Doc and Clara Bailey, my grandparents. They left a good legacy for me. An example of real love, the kind that lasts forever...and with it they also left me a little hope. (below: my grandparents on their wedding day. Pic 2 My grandparents on my wedding day 63 years later)
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